As someone that commutes to work daily via New York City’s subway system, I’ve grown accustomed to seeing rats both of the human and rodent variety. It’s the latter that creeps me out the least as rats of that variety just scurry about on the tracks, looking for a quick meal or drink. Can’t hate on someone for feeding his face. But if NYC was over-run by the rats that are currently putting the fear of Jebus into Floridians, I may change my outlook.
In the town of Grass Key, rats from the far away land of Gambia have begun to wreck shop. The African rats, which can grow to the 6 to 9 pounds-the size of a cat!-have begun to multiply after being allowed to escape into the wild by an exotic animal breeder. The Gambian rats have raised concern that their influx into the Grass Key ecosystem will disrupt the environmental balance-no shit! If a nine pound rat came waltzing through my living room, more than fear would be raised. First, it would be my skirt, as I would scream like a woman and leap upon the nearest table. Then it would be my cell phone, as I call my mommy for comfort. Just keepin’ it real, folks. – Jay Wilson